July 31st is National Orgasm Day. It only comes once a year, so here are some top tips to make it count and heighten orgasmic sensations, from Sexologist and in-house intimacy coordinator at Erika Lust, Avril Louise Clarke, with some commentary from yours truly! An orgasm is the height of natural human sensation. But few of us know that physical touch is only one element of orgasm. In fact, every single one of our senses can be explored, deployed, leveraged, and otherwise stimulated to induce bigger, more explosive, more satisfying orgasms.
Do you want to know how? Let’s talk about it, you know how much I love porn, so let’s discuss its role in how you can achieve more and better O’s!
Come Into View
Your sense of sight is the most easily stimulated. Put the power of your vision to orgasmic use, by working erotic visual stimuli into your sex. That’s a polite way of saying, watch porn. Good porn. Good, ethical porn. You can try something from the XConfessions catalog, like one of the latest releases Dirty Martini Sex Party, and Put Some Lipstick on It, or even a classic like Female Pleasure Circle.
Erotic movies can offer a shortcut to arousal, and provoke fantasies you’d never considered. XConfessions takes anonymously submitted sexual confessions and turns them into cinematic porn. There’s no better way to celebrate National Orgasm Day.
In Good Taste
An orgasm is right on the tip of your tongue, if you want it to be. Taste is highly sensual, and there is a direct erotic connection between food and sex.
Figs have been associated with sex for millennia, and may have been the original Forbidden Fruit in the Garden of Eden, instead of apples. What’s more, there’s evidence to suggest that the amino acids in figs might contribute to bigger orgasms. Stock up your cupboards. I recently purchased some locally infused fig balsamic vinegar and have been drizzling it on my fruit and even tomatoes, and can’t get enough of it.
Is it enhancing my orgasms? Maybe. It definitely tastes amazing! So I will continue to do it and if it makes an orgasm happen, even better!
Smell is our most evocative sense, instantly able to conjure the memory of a former lover or some half-forgotten tryst at the slightest hint of a familiar scent.
The most orgasmic aroma? A scientific study published in the National Library of Medicine proved that jasmine increases your alertness and improves your mood, both of which help you achieve more intensely satisfying orgasms. Whether it’s a candle or incense sticks, jasmine scents are the sexiest. Thanks, science.
Get In Touch With An Orgasm
It’s safe to say that most of us reach orgasm through some sort of physical contact with our erogenous zones. Again, few people know that orgasm can be achieved through stimulation of parts of our bodies other than our genitals.
Nipple orgasms are not uncommon, anal orgasms are real, and there are countless different types of ways to experience orgasm through physical contact.
Try a Fun Factory VIM wand vibe, it’s like a cheat code for orgasmic satisfaction or reach for the Maya by Love Not War bullet vibe that can be heated up or cooled down for extra sensations.
Hearing is overlooked as an orgasmic sense, which is a shame, because it can be incredibly visceral. The sound of sex is unmistakable, and the recent explosion in erotic audio proves that there’s demand for dirty talk.
ASMR can invoke a sense of tingling euphoria, and for many of us, it’s incredibly sexy. For the ultimate National Orgasm Day celebration, try combining all your senses, with ERIKA LUST’s ASMR.
Don’t wait for a holiday to enjoy an orgasm, you deserve to do it every single day if that’s your jam. And paying for your porn is sexy, Erika Lust knows this, so right now they’re currently having a 50% off sitewide summer sale across all platforms including the award-winning XConfessions–perfect to heighten those orgasmic sensations.
Love Not War has a site-wide sale beginning on National Orgasm Day, 40 percent off their sustainable vibes, so be sure not to miss that either.
The links contained within this article are affiliate links, so if you treat yourself while shopping, I may earn a small commission.
The World Cup is the biggest thing in Women’s soccer, and the dominant US team is currently 10,000 miles away from the States, in the Land Down Under. To show its support not just for the American team, but for women’s sport in general, ERIKALUST, a sex-positive porn brand, is offering free porn subscriptions and a selected range of 90-minute films.
Women’s soccer is big business in the US, with a UEFA report estimating it at close to $700 million in annual commercial value. That’s a testament to the growing support for women’s sport. But for the players, so far from the States, the tournament can be an exhausting and lonely time.
As is standard practice during major international sporting tournaments, players are often told to cut out personal distractions to focus solely on their sporting performance, limiting time with their partners – a move which leaves many players full of pent-up sexual frustration.
To help relieve tension, and keep the USA team focused, ERIKALUST is offering to provide free porn subscriptions for the USA, the current World champions.
The unofficial partnership approach was made by founder and new porn pioneer, Erika Lust, who has directed and produced over 300 adult entertainment films, with a focus on the female gaze and using female directors. Erika will personally select 90-minute films for the squad to enjoy, and has personally written to the football associations in an open letter.
Should the offer be accepted, athletes will gain access to a number of ERIKALUST platforms, including Lust Cinema, XConfessions and ElseCinema, where they’ll be able to view a number of award-winning erotic films to enjoy during their downtime.
The films available from Erika’s award winning site are phenomenal feminist porn that I highly recommend, personally. Not just for internationally acclaimed athletes, but for anyone who enjoys porn, and especially, for people who think they don’t enjoy porn. If you’d like a few personal recommendations, I discussed some Barbie inspired films here.
Speaking about the sponsorship offer, Erika Lust said:
“The tournament’s official partners include gambling, fast food, soft drinks, logistics and IT software businesses. Those aren’t particularly relevant or much use to players who are restricted to how much intimacy they can enjoy due to being away from partners or in desperate need of some self-love. As an adult entertainment brand that makes porn that puts female pleasure at the forefront, it makes perfect sense to offer a helping hand to players during the tournament.
“Porn and masturbation are well known for being a great way to release physical and emotional stress. With the weight of expectation placed on these teams, we want to show them our support by becoming the first unofficial porn sponsor. We hope that the respective football associations see the physical and psychological benefits that masturbation and porn can have on the players’ performance.”
About Erika Lust
Erika Lust is an award-winning indie adult filmmaker who creates sex-positive adult cinema by portraying relatable characters, realistic hot sex and offering a more inclusive and cinematic alternative to the mass produced mainstream porn.
Erika defends the importance of having women, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ people behind the camera in all key positions and supports burgeoning talent across the globe by producing and financing female and queer guest directors. In addition to this, Erika has built a diverse (online & offline) community of sex-positive creators and artists.
Over the past 20 years, the Erika Lust brand has gone from strength to strength. Erika has directed many adult feature films and series, over 130 short films, and produced around 150 more.
We may be long past our days of playing with plastic dolls (or not, we don’t judge here) but if you’ve been anywhere these last few months, you’ve definitely seen and heard all about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling. I can’t lie–I’m stoked about seeing it and it’s really made me want to channel my inner Barbie. Like most folks with a vulva, I had tons of Barbie dolls growing up, they were one of my favorite toys, though I’ll admit, most of the time I spent playing with them was a lesson in sexuality more than traditional doll play. My Barbie’s were all lesbians or at least bisexual haha. Sorry not sorry Ken.
These days, I am an avid collector of toys of a different variety and while I don’t yet live in my Malibu Dreamhouse, a large number of them are pink! As a sex toy reviewer, pink begins to become a color you see way too often, but when you’re living in a Barbie world, that might not be such a bad thing.
How to Channel Your Inner Barbie in Sexy Ways This Summer
Fun Factory has you covered. Whether you like to play solo or coupled with your favorite Ken, the Volta is one of their hottest toys and yes, it even comes in hot hot pink. Volta is typically known for being an external clitoral toy, but you can switch things up and use it while giving a blow job! Just add some water-based lubricant between the tips, slide it up and down your Ken’s shaft, and focus your attention on the head.
Volta’s tapping tips make vibrations stronger, which boosts arousal and heightens sensitivity. When playing solo, you can spread those tips and press one against your clit while using the other against your vaginal opening, or press them both anywhere you’d like. Go from wild percussion to classic vibration–the patterns are customizable and totally up to you. Your inner Barbie gets to choose wild to mild, girl.
Dolphins are the epitome of cute, so what better way to channel your inner Barbie than with the Fun Factory Diva Dolphin G-Spot vibrator? This cute vibrator is made even better by the fact that it’s battery powered–did someone say girl’s trip? It boasts the most powerful battery vibration out there, so let that inner diva roar and explore! She’s perfect for any way you want to explore, from penetration to pinpoint external stimulation–offering what you have come to expect from Fun Factory, deep rumbling vibrations. Unlike many battery-powered toys, Diva Dolphin keeps the same level of power right until it runs out of juice. You can also upgrade with their Hybrid Kit to charge rechargeable batteries inside the toy.
Sharing really is caring, especially when you’re talking about the Fun Factory Sharevibe in hot pink, complete with a bullet in the bulb. This wearable, vibrating double dildo lets you and your partner get very, very close. Its shorter bulb is designed for G-spot massage and a feeling of deep fullness; just lube it up, slip it in, and get ready to be richly rewarded for giving your partner the business. Even better, the ridge at the base rests against the clit, giving you friction and vibration exactly where you want it. Meanwhile, the receiver gets a smooth, slim shaft with a gentle curve that makes G-spot or prostate play a cinch. Hmmm we always knew Ken was into pegging, didn’t we? Maybe he’s gonna channel his inner Barbie this summer!
We can’t let Ken have all the bootie fun–The Fun Factory Bootie Fem is specially designed for a woman’s behind. This comfy, beginner butt plug was designed for vulva owners to wear during PIV sex. Bootie Fem has an asymmetrical base, so it doesn’t block the vaginal opening. Plus, the tulip tip was cleverly designed to add pressure near the G-spot, giving the strap-on or penis a thrilling squeeze.
Let’s Get Visual With Our Inner Barbie
Erika Lust is my favorite pornographer. Her films seem to jump off the screen with stunning color, stories, and scenes that make you feel as if you’re watching a regular movie–but much sexier.
Milkshake is a fantasy fiction movie, DRIPPING in nostalgia. With the 70’s aesthetic to the setting of an old-school diner, Milkshake leaves taste buds tingling. Director Charis Uster tells a story of a girl who has always dreamed of having a threesome with two men, as she takes a sip of her sweet milkshake – she finally gets to taste her dream. Her milkshake really DID bring the boys to the yard…
Become a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Indie adult director Maximus Skaff is back with a conceptual short film accompanied by a poem. Delve into the cotton candy dream world that is ‘Like A Butterfly’, where queer sex dreams come true. Like A Butterfly is a trans love story that shows the transition, similar to how a beautiful butterfly transforms from a cocoon.
No matter how you choose to channel your inner Barbie, I’m sure you’ll have a blast. If you’re like me, you now have the Aqua song stuck in your head, so you’re welcome. Be sure to check out the new film, coming to theaters July 21st, or wait until it’s available digitally (that’s my plan!) but most of all, live out loud, have tons of orgasms, and “Always leave things better than you found them.”
This article contains affiliate links, so if you treat yourself while shopping, I may earn a small commission. Please, do me a favor and clear your cache before you shop! Thanks 🙂
If you’d like to chat about anything discussed in this article, or sex education in general, get in touch here. For a list of companies I recommend, check out this ultimate list here. For more of my work, you can find me on Medium.
June is Pride Month and what better time to ramp up your sexual routines? There’s nothing like a bit of stunning erotica to get you in the mood (or even more in the mood) than Ballroom culture, gay sex, BIPOC representation, all featured in Erika Lust’s newest feature film, Catboy. Erika Lust always brings ethical porn to your solo or partnered sex and this film is a fantastic way to have a little Pride and get ready for some steamy sessions. Directed by Xaho and already rated 5 stars it’s sure to please most anyone.
Catboy and all other XConfessions films can be bought alone, or a subscription to XConfessions to watch Catboy and more is $19.95 USD per month. A subscription is a great way to treat yourself as it gets you access to all the films available from XConfessions every month, including any new releases.
Because we all have our own individual tastes, here’s a round-up of some other great movies no matter what your preference:
New Kings on the Block (Dir. Erika Lust) – Features non-binary and trans representation, Drag King culture, and gender discussion. Klappe (Dir. Matt Lambert) – Trans, non-binary, gay sex representation. Club cruising culture. Gender Bender (Dir. Erika Lust), also on Else Cinema here – Queer & Gender play, Kink. Girl Gang (Dir. Charlie Benedetti) – Lesbian sex, Asexual representation.
While you’re watching your chosen hot film (or three) don’t forget to break out an awesome toy from my favorite company, Fun Factory, and have a little Pride while you’re doing it. You can ride a rainbow this month and always with their Rainbow Amor dildo, and feel good knowing 10 percent of all sales are going to Trans Futures Stage!
This limited edition version of the well-loved Amor is the 6-Inch dildo you know and love and includes a super thin base, allowing for extra close contact when worn in a harness. And for lovers of a versatile toy, it suctions to smooth, flat surfaces for riding and grinding. The girthy tip of AMOR stimulates the G-spot or the prostate, and, at 6 inches, most people find AMOR the most comfortable dildo. Instead of stressing about going too deep, the user can wind their hips and bounce around stress-free.
I have the limited edition Bi Amor, which is the same base version, just in the Bi colors, and it is one of my favorite dildos to use. The size is absolutely perfect, the suction is exceptional, and due to the thinness of the base, it fits well in every harness I have.
Have a little Pride post sex and play
We could all use some soothing and nothing helps rehydrate and help prevent chaffing better than Momotaro Apotheca’s Salve. I can’t say enough wonderful things about their entire line of products and keep them on hand at all times. They’re a queer owned company, which would be a huge selling point for me alone, but honestly, their products speak for themselves.
Their award-winning Salve, a soothing balm for delicate areas smells great and works wonders. With clean hands, simply apply a pea size amount around the vulva or penis after sex, or as often as you chose.
This Pride, take care of yourself with these products and enjoy. But more importantly, be safe out there and have fun!
Get in touch! I offer intimacy and relationship coaching sessions on a limited basis, you can contact me here. If you ever wonder what other toys/wellness items I recommend, I created a page specifically about that.
This article contains affiliate links. If you subscribe to Erika Lust’s ethical porn subscription sites or purchase any items from Fun Factory or Momotaro Apotheca from my links, I will earn a small commission, but it won’t cost you anything more. Thanks for supporting my work <3
It’s easy to go online and find porn. What’s not easy, is finding ethical porn, created and produced by women, for women, in what feels like a safe space to consume it. What does that even look or feel like? It can mean something different to everyone but for me, it means not being bombarded with ads, choices that feel more in tune with my desires, consent based films, and the knowledge that performers are paid a living wage.
“Big Porn” just doesn’t offer these things. Let’s be honest, most of us who consume porn have probably done so at least a few times on a free, tube site. I get it, I’ve done it myself in the past, even being part of the industry. Before I knew exactly how those sites worked, I thought somehow, the performers got a share of the ad revenue or were somehow being paid, even though I didn’t personally spend any money on the platform. It’s easy to convince ourselves we aren’t doing something wrong, especially when we’re broke and want a quick fix.
But using these tube sites isn’t ethical and more often than not, the performers whose videos and clips are featured on these sites never see a dime of the money made from them.
Research about these sites has taught me a number of things, one being, most of the videos uploaded to these tube sites aren’t even done with the performer’s permission. They’re taken from cam sites, ripped from DVDs, or screen grabbed from fan sites. Some may even be what’s known as revenge porn, videos and photos sent to a significant other at some point, then distributed after a breakup. The bottom line is, they’re not being distributed with consent. Clearly, not ethical porn.
Paying for your porn helps ensure performers are earning a living wage. Moreover, it changes the conversation about porn. How? When you pay for the porn you consume, you have a hand in sponsoring the kind of content you want to see–you’re supporting studios that do the right thing by providing safe spaces for their performers, who understand testing is important, who know conversations about consent mean a more comfortable environment for all, and the continuation of a product you enjoy.
Top Ethical Porn Sites For Women to Explore Their Sexuality
Erika Lust’s Feminist Collection of Ethical Porn Sites
Erika Lust is a pioneer in the porn industry for a reason and she’s created a number of sites to showcase her groundbreaking work. There’s site for just about anyone, from softcore porn to her exemplary XConfessions–where users can write in and disclose their own fantasies and potentially have it made into a film!
Else Cinema–When you’re looking for something else, Else Cinema, also known as The Erika Lust Soft Edition, then look no further. This is the first cinema of erotic movies that offers viewers a sensual experience. More romantic storylines and passionate affairs than your typical porn experience.
Lust Cinema–If you’re looking for porn that is feature-length or in a binge-worthy series with all-star adult performers, Lust Cinema is your answer. This is the adult studio for lovers of cinema and sex, with relatable storylines and realistic sex that’s part of a wider narrative. On Lust Cinema you will also find an extensive catalogue of porn films made by some of the top adult studios in the USA. Whether you’re craving lesbian porn or BDSM sex, expect to find it here starring some of your favorite porn performers.
XConfessions–Completely crowd-sourced erotic cinema: the public’s secret desires are turned into screenplays for Erika Lust and guest directors from around the world. If you’re ready to confess, your secret fantasy might just be their next short film!
The award-winning XConfessions was born in 2013 as the first step of Erika Lust’s mission to create a new wave of adult cinema. XConfessions is now home to a community of filmmakers, artists, performers, and viewers who love sex and film and are looking for a new kind of erotic experience.
Lust also has a non-profit, The Porn Conversation (TPC) which she runs with her partner, whose goal is to provide educational materials to parents, educators, and older teens concerning porn literacy. It’s a fantastic organization I am proud to be an ambassador for.
Lustery–Founded in 2016 by Spanish filmmaker Paulita Pappel, Lustery started small, but with big ambitions. It germinated within Berlin’s sex-positive community with the goal of capturing the candid intimacy and raw passion of people’s sex lives. The market for the platform grew quickly, fed as much by word of mouth between couples as by an increasingly smut-literate audience hungry for authenticity in their porn. Its goal: To celebrate sex and relationships in their diversity by creating an archive of authentic intimacy and a sex-positive platform for people all around the world.
Side note, Paulita has been featured in a number of films which can be found on Erika Lust’s sites!
Sssh.com–Porn, reimagined. The award-winning site, Sssh, is the premier destination for sex-positive, ethical porn made from a woman’s point of view. Crowd-sourced films are inspired by fantasies and desires shared by their members. Their provocative storylines will challenge your perceptions of explicit sexual content. From cutting edge VR to narrative film, and what most porn sites leave out–written word and auditory stimulation. Sssh has been bringing phenomenal work to the porn industry since 1999, founded by critically acclaimed filmmaker, Angie Rowntree.
Ethical porn means something different to everyone, but the bottom line for most women is, we should be able to have a safe space to consume quality content to explore our sexuality. These sites provide that, while also having a bevy of items to choose from so we never run out of things to consume in the process.
If you’d like to speak further about any of these sites or porn literacy, get in touch!
The ever popular Womanizer Classic has gotten an upgrade, now the Classic 2, read on to see how Womanizer took one of their iconic designs and made it even better.
The Womanizer Classic is one of the most popular toys in Womanizer’s line of iconic toys and I was excited to see it get an upgrade. The Classic 2 is an updated version of the original can be considered an essential to your bedroom. If you’re new to clitoral stimulators, this toy is a pressure wave stimulator, using Womanizer’s patented Pleasure Air technology, the same as their Starlet 3 that I recently reviewed. However, this model is a much nicer toy and the price point and added features reflect that.
What’s improved from the Classic to the Classic 2?
The size is approximately the same, both models are what’s considered full size pressure wave toys with comfortable handles and a sleek design. The Classic 2 now has 10 intensity levels, an increase from 8 in the previous model. The new model comes in two colors, Black and Bordeaux, whereas the original only came in one color. It comes with two stimulation heads, medium and small (in a separate pouch) and you are welcome to order other sizes direct from Womanizer.
It charges with the included USB charging cable and note, the LED light is in the clitoral stimulating head, and will come on and flash when charging. 120 minutes to charge, 180 minutes of use.
There are three round control buttons. The ON/OFF button is near the bottom of the toy, and sits flush with the surface. The other two buttons are located in the middle of the body. These (+) and (–) buttons sit a bit above the surface of the toy. The (–) is smaller than the (+) button. There’s a tiny gap between them. All three buttons take firm pressure to press down and make a loud click sound.
What are the features?
Pleasure Air Technology, unique to all Womanizer products, means your clitoris is stimulated without direct contact. Gentle air vibrations suck and massage at the same time, giving you an experience unlike any other toy you’ve experienced. Since this product has this technology, this also means there’s no vibration transfer. This is great for anyone with limited hand mobility or general mobility issues. It’s also helpful for those who’ve found the intensity of other clitoral stimulators on the market to be too much.
To turn the Classic 2 on, press and hold the ON/OFF button for two seconds. Increase intensity by tapping the (+), decrease by tapping the (-). Turn it off by pressing the ON/OFF button again for two seconds.
But don’t worry, the Classic 2 has more than one setting, in fact, it boasts 10 intensity levels, so you’re sure to find the right fit for you. Whether you prefer gentle or OMG, you can cycle through and find a level that’s sure to please you. Once you have and you’ve experienced the pleasure you seek, there’s even an Afterglow setting (briefly tap the ON/OFF button), which automatically puts the Classic 2 on its lowest setting, allowing you to ride the waves without feeling the most intense setting you may have wanted before you hit the high notes.
How well does it perform?
In reading other reviews of the Classic and the Classic 2 one thing I noticed is some people with sensitive clits saying the original was already too intense for them and being concerned that adding more intensity levels wasn’t going to help them any. I’m impressed that Womanizer added a lower setting when they revamped the Classic 2, so people with sensitive clits could enjoy more settings, instead of feeling like they weren’t getting something new with this improved toy.
Too often, I feel like toy companies are going for more intensity instead of understanding you can add more without necessarily making everything a jackhammer. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want every toy to feel “weak” so to speak, but an understanding that every body is different is important.
The new Afterglow feature is nice for multiple reasons. Whether you have a sensitive clit or not, once you’ve orgasmed the first time, your clit can get a little sensitive and if you’re going for more than one O, it’s nice to slow things down a bit and that feature helps. You can also use it to edge yourself and make things last, and ramp things up for an even bigger finish.
Overall, I really enjoyed this toy and it’s definitely become a staple in my rotation of clitoral stimulators. I love the materials the body is constructed of, the matte finish is nice, it doesn’t get slippery if your hand has lube on it (which mine usually does!) and that’s a really nice touch.
I recently reviewed the Womanizer Starlet 3 and created this chart to compare it with the Classic 2. Price wise, there’s a pretty significant gap. They’re similar toys in so far as what they do, but luxury definitely wins the day. If you can afford to save for the Classic 2, I highly recommend it. But if you want a more affordable option, you won’t be disappointed with the Starlet 3 until the Classic 2 becomes available for your budget.
Classic 2 The Essential Clitoral Stimulator
Starlet 3 Compact Sized Clitoral Stimulator
Turquoise, indigo, violet, pink, gray
Full soft touch surface & silicone buttons
ABS & silicone head
Thank you to Betty’s Toy Box for providing the Classic 2 in exchange for an honest review. The links contained in this article are affiliate links, so if you treat yourself while shopping, I’ll earn a small commission. Use my code DEMI while shopping at Betty’s and save 10 percent on your entire order. Shipping is free when you spend $69.
Get in touch! If you’d like to talk more about what toys are right for you, schedule a session with me here.
Womanizer is one of the most recognizable sex toy companies on the planet. Their Womanizer Starlet 3 is a new version of a toy you’ll probably recognize—it’s the original Womanizer Pleasure Air Technology combined with five new vivid product colors and two more intensity levels, while being IPX7 Waterproof and USB rechargeable as well as being one of the most affordable clitoral stimulation toys on the market. Betty’s Toy Box provided this item to me in exchange for an honest review.
What are the specs of the Womanizer Starlet 3?
Turquoise, Indigo, Violet, Pink, Gray
ABS plastic made without phthalates, BPA or latex
117mm x 46mm x 47mm
chart by author
Manufacturer Warranty: 5 years
Box includes: Womanizer Starlet 3 clitoral simulator, USB charging cable (AC adapter not included), quick start guide, safety instructions
It charges with the included USB charging cable and note, the LED light is in the clitoral stimulating head, and will come on and flash when charging. 30 minutes to charge, 30 minutes of use.
There are two buttons. It’s not rocket science. + turns it on and increases intensity – decreases intensity and also turns it off. Easy peasy.
What are the features of the Womanizer Starlet 3?
Pleasure Air Technology, unique to all Womanizer products, means your clitoris is stimulated without direct contact. Gentle air vibrations suck and massage at the same time, giving you an experience unlike any other toy you’ve experienced. There’s also the beauty of “set it and forget it”. What does that mean? Just settle this toy onto your clitoris and ride the waves of pleasure. This is great for anyone with limited hand mobility or general mobility issues. It’s also helpful for those who’ve found the intensity of other clitoral stimulators on the market to be too much. But don’t worry, the Starlet 3 has more than one setting, in fact, it boasts six intensity levels, so you’re sure to find the right fit for you. Whether you prefer gentle or OMG.
It’s small and handy, with an ergonomic fit for the palm of your hand. Good things really do come in small packages—it’s small enough to fit between two bodies during playtime, too. Since the Starlet 3 is waterproof, you can take your party to the shower, bath, or even the pool and not worry about ruining the fun.
What you really want to know—How does the Womanizer Starlet 3 perform?
I love how easy the Starlet 3 is to use so let me start with that. A lot of sex toys have multiple buttons so one of the first things I do before settling in to use them is get acquainted with all the bells and whistles. Honestly, there’s not much to doing that with this toy, there are two buttons, a plus and minus and they do exactly what you think they would. The plus button is the on button, press it for two seconds and the toy powers on at its lowest setting. Press it again up to six times to cycle through the intensity levels. The minus button will cycle down through the intensity levels, or press it for two seconds to power off.
The silicone head is fairly large and the toy only comes with one, however, you can order other sizes direct from Womanizer if you’d like. Most people find it fits their body, and Womanizer chose to include only one in an effort to make this clitoral stimulator affordable, along with not providing their usual storage bag. What I like about the larger head is the ability to cover a larger surface beyond just my clitoris, but your mileage may vary. All bodies are different.
Although using lubricant is not required, I highly recommend it. You won’t need much, but I’ve found just a bit of water-based lube allows the Pleasure Air Technology to work even better. Wicked Simply Aqua is my favorite to pair with this toy, it’s vegan and paraben free. Just add a few drops to your body and get ready to ride the waves of pleasure.
I was able to orgasm with this toy fairly easily and found I didn’t need to get to the highest level of intensity. The Starlet 3 doesn’t have the added bonus of Afterglow or Smart Silence like it’s more expensive counterparts, the Classic 2 or Premium 2, but it’s also a lot more inexpensive. I also found the body a little slippery (it’s the shinier ABS plastic, versus the more matte “Soft Touch” of the Classic 2) compared to the Classic 2, which I’m also reviewing soon, but again, the price difference between the two is pretty significant.
Overall, it’s a good toy for the price and if you’re in the market for your first clitoral stimulator I would recommend it. I would give it 4 out of 5 stars.
Pros of the Starlet 3
Cons of the Starlet 3
No storage bag
Multiple color choices
6 intensity levels
Only one clitoral head
Easy to operate
Short battery life
chart by author
There are a lot of clitoral stimulators on the market, even within the Womanizer line of toys. Are there better options than the Starlet 3? Yes, however, there are clearly worse options too. For the price point you won’t find a better choice. If you have a bigger budget, and desire more luxury and more options, I would recommend the Womanizer Classic 2, which I’ll be reviewing in a couple of days. But if you would rather have something economical that does the job, you can’t go wrong with the Starlet 3.
This article contains affiliate links. If you treat yourself while shopping, I’ll earn a small commission. Thanks to Betty’s Toy Box for providing the Womanizer Starlet 3 in exchange for an honest review. Use my code DEMI to receive 10 percent off your entire order at Betty’s, where you’ll receive free shipping on orders over $69.
Subscription box, we all the term now–they’ve been around for a number of years and at this point, you can get most anything you desire within a little (or large) cardboard box delivered right to your door. Since the pandemic began, people have relied on them to diversify their palates, whether that be food or fashion, and now, even with books and sexual wellness items. Why not couple the two?
Melissa Saavedra is the Latina founder of Steamy Lit, a romance book and sexual wellness subscription box service which offers recipients a vibrator and a selection of self-care items to enjoy along with their steamy novels. Don’t worry, if you’re not interested in receiving a toy, you can choose a box that doesn’t have one.
A US Navy veteran, Melissa launched the inclusive product, to not only open the lines of communication around sexual wellness but to also diversify readers book shelves by amplifying the voices of authors who have been historically underrepresented in the publishing world. In particular female authors, people of colors and authors from the LGBTQ+ community.
How Does The Steam Box Subscription Box Work?
Every quarter, your box is curated with three to four books for that season, plus three or four items from women-owned small businesses, and vibes/sexual wellness items. Not everything comes at once. Your first box contains one book, your items from the small businesses, and your vibe/wellness items. Your other books will follow every two months so you never run out of steamy content!
Subscription Boxes Available
Annual–Boxes for all four quarters. These are full boxes, products, books, and vibes.
Semi-annual-– Boxes for two quarters. These are full boxes, products, books, and vibes.
Quarterly— You can choose a book only subscription (just the books). No Vibes (only books and products). Full box (books, products, and vibes)
They also have merch! Personally, I love some of the t-shirts and I really want to get this one:
Quarterly boxes begin at $55 USD every three months
The box I received is the Latine/x Romance Special Edition Box. It contains three books, Love Me, Maddie Mendoza by Amy Oliveria; The Sunset Job by Max Walker; and On the Hustle by Adriana Herrerra with a special NSFW vellum exclusive insert. It also included Candle from Heka Remedies, Concha bath bomb from Loquita Bath and Body, Passion fruit lotion bar from Pachamama Is Mother Earth, Vibe and lube from Maude, and Bookmark from Fandom Sleeves. This special edition box is still available and is currently on sale for $99 USD.
5 percent of each box is donated to Latinx in Publishing, an organization committed to supporting and increasing the number of Latinx people that work in publishing, and promoting literature by, for, and about Latinx people.
You can check out my reel on Instagram where I show you each item.
I love that Steamy Lit is a woman owned business and their attention to detail. The box arrived quickly and is full of items I will actually use. The candle smells delicious, the lotion bar feels divine on my skin, and I can’t wait for an opportunity to use the bath bomb. In the past when I’ve tried other sexual wellness subscription boxes, I found a lot of them to be cheap feeling. The “extra” items were not well made, and felt like something you’d find in a crackerjack box if you catch my drift.
They reminded me of the old-school toys you’d get from seedy sex toy shops back in the day, when everything took AAA batteries and died after you used them once. ABS plastic and just not decent quality. If you got any other perks, they felt like they came from Dollar Tree.
It just wasn’t the quality I expected from a subscription box service when I was paying decent money.
With Steamy Lit, I feel like I am getting more than my money’s worth. These are full size products, the vibe is a brand I know and trust, and let’s be frank, I’m not afraid to use it or the amazing self-care products that have been included. And that bookmark? How cute is that?
**This is a sponsored post. I was provided this subscription box in exchange for an honest review. Thank you to Steamy Lit for providing this box and a quality product and service. This article contains affiliate links, so if you decide to treat yourself while shopping, I may earn a small commission. To learn more, get in contact with me here.
When it comes to oral sex, most folks who indulge in it think they have the best moves down pat. I won’t lie, I’ve been with people who swore they were the best cunnilinguists out there, and they went on to prove themselves worthy of the title. Unfortunately, that’s not the case the majority of the time.
Like anything else you engage in with another person, your mileage may vary. There are things you can do for one person that will have them screaming for more; try it with someone else and they may do all they can to squirm away.
I say all this to say, your moves may have worked on a lot of people, but communicating with your partner will always win the day. That’s the problem with getting into a rut, so to speak. Thinking you have a set of moves perfected, then performing them with every lover you have the pleasure of encountering isn’t how you go about making your partners feel amazing.
There are techniques, however, you can learn to add to your repertoire which may lead your partner to explosive orgasms. And the best way to get started, is by memorizing a map.
Before you begin any project, you should always be sure you know what you’re working with. Every vulva is different, but the main parts are typically in the same place.
Contrary to popular belief, you’re not ‘eating vagina’, as the vagina is internal. That doesn’t mean you should ignore it, though, once things get going.
The key to exceptional oral sex is paying attention to all the parts that feel pleasure. Some people with vulvas love having their labia (minora and majora) stroked, licked, and maybe even squeezed a little. Others don’t care if you do anything other than hold them out of the way while you go to town on the clitoris.
Pro tip: Let’s do away with the trope that the clitoris is difficult to find. It’s not. Although they are all different shapes and sizes, they are all in the same place.
This is why communication is so important. Keep checking in with your partner while you’re going down on them in the beginning. Yes, sounds and movements help clue you in when you’re doing something right (or not), but asking, “Does that feel good?” goes a long way. Not everyone is comfortable making their pleasure known vocally with sounds. Let’s be better about talking through our pleasure (or displeasure).
One of the biggest mistakes people make when eating pussy is going straight for the clitoris. Sure, you want to give this amazing gland a lot of love, but make your way there slowly. And don’t start with the vulva area at all. Begin kissing your partner in all the other places before you make your way to the finish line.
With that said, the clitoris is a pretty amazing thing. What you see is only a small part of the organ itself. The clitoris extends into the body, with a shaft that’s nine to eleven centimeters long! It boasts more nerve endings than a penis, so it makes sense it’s the center of attention.
That also means it’s extra sensitive. Some partners will enjoy direct intense pressure, while others need you to go a little softer. But whatever way your partner enjoys it, do yourself and her a favor and don’t stop when she says, “Don’t stop!”
When your partner tells you not to stop, they’re saying exactly what you’re doing, right that moment, has them on the edge of orgasm. Changing the pressure, the shape of your tongue, or really anything at that moment is a sure fire way to cause them to lose the orgasm.
That’s never a good thing. Unless you’re into edge play, but be sure to discuss that ahead of time!
How to Get Started Giving Oral Sex
Start at the top- No, I don’t mean the top of their pussy. Place soft kisses on their neck, moving downward towards their breasts. Take your time here. There are so many erogenous zones on the breasts you can explore. Be sure to pay equal attention to both mounds!
Keep moving down- At this point, your partner is likely moaning and writhing, so be sure to continue giving pleasure. Teasing is a big part of any kind of foreplay, but you want to show your intentions to please as well. If they’re wearing undies, start kissing their vulva and even licking a bit through the material. It’s a great build up and will leave them wanting more.
The inner thighs are a hot zone for a lot of people, so don’t leave them out. However, if they are ticklish, this may be a no go area until they’re extra turned on. Personally, I’m no longer ticklish at all once I’m raring to go!
The best part- It’s time to remove any barriers and really get down to business (if your partner is okay with this, we’ll talk about this again later). If your partner enjoys sex toys, be sure to have one handy. But don’t try to use it right away, except for some vibration! Most people with vulvas don’t orgasm from penetration alone, but you can always turn it on and buzz your way over the labia and even the clit before giving it all a good tongue lashing.
Forget the alphabet- I see this advice so often and wonder who decided it was a good idea. Spelling the alphabet on your partner’s clit is probably not going to do much for them. It’s incredibly inconsistent. Consistency is important. As mentioned earlier, if they say don’t stop, then don’t stop!
Listening and learning
While you’re licking and sucking your partner’s clitoris, pay attention to how their body is reacting. If you’re not getting much in the way of signs, i.e. they’re not grasping the linens, moving their bottom, breathing faster, etc. then change up what you’re doing.
But most importantly, ask them what they need.
In an ideal world, you will be able to listen and observe your partner’s body as you try different techniques on them, allowing you to see what works and doesn’t.
Some people just won’t like what you’re doing, and that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with them. It just means you need to spend more time getting to know their specific preferences.
If they aren’t sure what they like, try a few different ways to give oral sex and get them to rate how it feels. Don’t take the ratings or directions personally. This is about what they enjoy and isn’t a statement against your sexual prowess.
Some people are quieter than others and may not react much, even when they orgasm. As a result, you may find it near impossible to tell if they are enjoying themselves or not. The only solution is getting some feedback from them. After you go down on them, try asking them about what they enjoyed, what they didn’t enjoy, and what they want you to do differently.
A note about using barriers while giving oral sex
Safer sex is never a bad thing. Folks don’t always consider using a barrier when performing oral sex, it’s not something we think about as often as we do using a condom for penetrative sex. But have you ever tried to use a dental dam? They’re awkward, the shift around, and let’s face it, they aren’t sexy. Let me tell you about Lorals, FDA cleared for STI protection, sexy undies for oral.
Available in black if you want to keep it mysterious and now, sheer if you’re ready to bare it all, Lorals provide a barrier between your body and your partner for any kind of oral sex you want to get into. They protect but they don’t keep you from experiencing the same pleasure you would without being in place. And, if oral while on your period has always been a no-no for you (we don’t judge either way!) Lorals provides a barrier to allow you to feel comfortable for that, too.
The Bottom Line
Orgasm doesn’t have to be the goal when giving oral sex. It’s wonderful if you get there, but unless this is the only sex act you’ll be doing for the night, it’s just a warm up for more. When you go into licking pussy with the idea you must get your partner off, it puts pressure on you both to perform.
Enjoy it for the appetizer it is and make your partner feel good. In the end, your attention and listening to their body and words will take you further than you’ve been before.
This article contains affiliate links, so if you treat yourself to something while shopping I may earn a small commission.
If you would like to chat more about intimacy topics or set up a coaching session, you can contact me here.
Yesterday I watched the documentary Planet Sex with Cara Delevingne on Hulu in its entirety. For the most part, it was sex positive and well done. I had a few moments where I didn’t agree with the way certain points were presented but that’s to be expected with anything–we are never going to agree with everything someone else thinks. I was surprised when I got to the end however and nothing had been mentioned about sex work
Episode four of this documentary is titled Pornucopia and would have been the perfect opportunity to bring sex work into the conversation if they were afraid to do an entire episode about it, though let’s be honest, a full 45 minutes could have been filmed about it with no issue.
The episode discusses how pornography can be problematic, but does a good job of showing the viewer how certain corners of the industry are working to change that–showcasing people like filmmaker Erika Lust, who creates ethical films that aren’t coming from the traditional cis, white, male gaze. Each film is accompanied by footage of the consent meetings (yes, they have those!), where the performers sit down before shoots and talk about what they do and don’t like, what turns them on, and what will bring them to orgasm. Because yes, porn performers should experience pleasure, too.
And yes, they are a kind of sex worker, but those words are never uttered during this episode. I appreciate the comment by Erika Lust concerning support for performers. She says what we all in the sex work industry (and porn industry) have been saying for years. Pay for your porn. Follow your favorite creators on their social media and other platforms. Listen to what they have to say about which companies are treating them properly.
How Could Planet Sex Have Discussed Sex Work?
This documentary went all over the world to talk about sex, so it makes sense to me they could easily have traveled to places where sex work is legal. Even here in the United States, in parts of Nevada, there are brothels where it’s legal, though don’t get me started on my thoughts on how the government needs to get their sticky fingers out of that.
Since the pandemic began, scores of people have started accounts on sites like OnlyFans and SextPanther where they publish their own adult content and share it across social media, marketing themselves as adult content creators. It’s sex work and porn wrapped up in one in a way. Not what you think of as traditional sex work? That’s okay, it doesn’t have to look like one thing because it isn’t a monolith.
Sex work encompasses a variety of things. Adult fan sites, cam models, Professional domming, financial domming, professional submissives, pornography actors, and more. Anyone who creates content for the sexual gratification of others can be considered a sex worker.
So why would the creators of this documentary seem to intentionally avoid discussing sex work altogether? Why not use this huge platform to have this important conversation that’s been at the heart of so many discussions across headlines everywhere lately? Were they afraid of backlash?
As a sex worker I’m always concerned about being outed to my community. It’s one of the reasons I use a pseudonym. I’ve been outed before and had it used against me in a custody case years ago, and that was only rumors and photographs, no real evidence. Had my ex-husband been granted any real proof of my sex work I could have lost a lot more.
Where I live, sex work isn’t completely illegal, depending on what you do. I can create adult content the way I currently do–I’m an online content creator, I have an OnlyFans account (and I publish content on other adult fan sites), I sext with clients on SextPanther, I video chat at times, clients send me money for findom purposes. I haven’t met a client in person recently, but it is something I offer under the helm of my ProDomme services. I don’t have sex with my clients, I’m no longer a full-service sex worker (FSSW) but I have been in the past.
There are ways around the solicitation laws, that’s why most sex workers refer to themselves as escorts. They aren’t encouraging clients to solicit them for sex. What happens between two consenting adults is between them–the client is paying for their time, period.
These are all topics Planet Sex could have brought up with real world sex workers in their documentary. For discretion purposes, they could have offered to hide their real identities as they did the owners of the sexual wellness company, Mauj. There are plenty of sex workers who would have been happy to talk to journalists willing to allow us to tell our stories.
If Cara Delevingne or the producers of Planet Sex would like to add to their documentary or if anyone else has one in the pipeline and want to interview real world sex workers and tell our stories, I’m right here–ready and willing to openly speak about my experiences as a sex worker, a woman, and a parent who has dealt with the stigma surrounding sex work. And I’m sure there are thousands more standing in the wings ready to tell their stories, too.
If you’d like to hire me to speak at an engagement or for intimacy/relationship coaching, my contact details can be found here.
This article contains affiliate links, if you treat yourself while browsing I may earn a small commission.